this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
