so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
