I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
