So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
