oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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