I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry about my life...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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