I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
