she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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