Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
