First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize