I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize