take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
