just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
