before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
