her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
