it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
