Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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