You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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