tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize