apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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