Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
