Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
