SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drake has all the answers
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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