His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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