you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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