maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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