I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So many bounce houses so little time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
