cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
