Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
