I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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