All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
