Cold hands, warm shart.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
