im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
