An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
