she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
