so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
