UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
