Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
