I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
