He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
