lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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