I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His hands were made for my vagina.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
