it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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