morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
