I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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