chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
