I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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