I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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