Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
