at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
