I am puke
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
