he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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