if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
