Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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