I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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