Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
