my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
