thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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