I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
