a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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