Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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