batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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