How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
