I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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