i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
