toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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