On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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