I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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