some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
