I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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