And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
